I desperately wanted it to be the way it was with God and in my little bubble. I longed for my private life, my family, not to be for public consumption. I kept asking God how it ended up like this.. Countless times, in my suffering. I cried for the friends I love still, but lost. For the wife and mom I missed being. And for the woman who found every moment of her glorious life perfectly delicious and peachy.
Wall of fire. For nearly 2 years, I heard it in my spirit. I thought it was a wall for protection, never realizing within was a place of grace. Healing blazed this wall of fire to hold back an invasion of hurts and protect a place to heal with God.
And I will be to her a wall of fire all around, declares the LORD, and I will be the glory in her midst.
I read the words of the prophet Zechariah, and sought the glory from God alone.
Intention is my one word this year. Not only a prayer in meaning, but the process of healing incised wounds. It’s been one week since yet another incision was made into by body. This time, my spine. The herniated portion of my disc was removed, I woke up and was pain free. My physical healing merged on the well traveled path with my spiritual renewal.
God gave me grace for the moment. These moments become hours that bring me to next week’s doctor’s appointment for the labral tear in my hip. The process of my healing. I walk upright in the light of God’s love, knowing who I am in His eyes. Altogether lovely. Beautifully scarred and eternally unstoppable.